i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
