My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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