This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
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And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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