i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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