Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I'm bleeding and have questions
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Randomize
