my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
These tits shall not be calmed
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
