So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
