he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
