I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
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