hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
