I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
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my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
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