Have you finally orgasmed yet?
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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