I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
