508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
