All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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