Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Randomize
