Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
