everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
