Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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