Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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