I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize