I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
someone owes me an orgasm
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Randomize
