i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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