I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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