lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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