He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Randomize
