ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
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