My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
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