He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
