oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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