Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
