when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
last night I used snow as a chaser
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