Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Randomize
