So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
