I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Randomize
