Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
