I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
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