I am puke
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
