Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
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