who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
