So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Randomize
