when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
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