And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize
