Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
