I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
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