She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
