he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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