when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
