Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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