She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
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she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
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Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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