I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
