I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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