FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
