Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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