i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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