i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Randomize
