so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
He passed out mid-signature
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
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