remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
