I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
