I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
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