Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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