honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Randomize
