we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Randomize
