Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
And then my night got REAL pukey
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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