She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I deserve to be covered in dicks
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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