I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
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