It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
my sisters under your porch take her home
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
