Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
