Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
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